In Search of Solitude; A Tale of Two Cafeterias

The Stevenson High School South Cafeteria was a loose environment where everyone could catch up on gossip, and meet up with friends from last year. It made the other students feel safe, protected by the many students who they trusted, because they did not trust themselves, when long ago most gave up everything that they enjoyed to fit in with everyone else. Such was the life of my fellow students.

I strutted happily into the South Cafeteria as if it were a classroom, and sat opposite of my friend Ali and her friends. I was happy because my math teacher was very warm and polite, which made a peaceful atmosphere of learning experience. It relieved me of my Geometry worries this year. I said, "Hello", to everyone at the table and smiled at them. I remembered the thought that made me feel good around these people, which was that I gave them nothing, and I expected nothing which allowed me to be part of such a group while securing my independence. There were not many relationships like this, and I was proud of it. I called it, "A Confederacy".

Ali, who I met in seventh grade, was my only friend. I gave her the quiet solemn respect as one of the most understanding people I knew. I saw her at the swim club a couple of times over the summer, and I called her on my cell phone. Most of the summer however, she was away at band camp. Ali was tall, had long brown hair that went slightly past her neck, and she has light blue eyes that seemed say, "I love being here".

Ali enjoyed the company of friends. They all shared stories of marching band camp and joked about their teachers they got. At one point, Ali said to her friends, "Stevenson is a very large school much different than Holmes. It will take some getting used to, but I am sure by the time we graduate, we will have forged friendships that will last a lifetime". I agreed, but I was not good at group socializing, so I thought of the gentle, peaceful sound of Rhapsody I listened to by Rachmaninoff, while scanning the cafeteria.

I observed that the cafeteria seemed small with many people- like a large barn that filled as more cows entered. The only difference it seemed was that we came to the cafeteria to rest from learning, and cows go to the barn to sleep. It was loud, crowded, and smelled of pizza and of the shaggy kid at the other table of whose gender I could not tell. I took a bite of my tuna fish sandwich. My bread felt soggy, like it was hastily made the night before, and spent several hours in the refrigerator. The lettuce leaves crunched against my teeth while the tomato gushed out juice adding sweetness to my fishy sandwich that smelled of mayonnaise. I enjoyed the taste of tuna and chewed and chewed viciously like a wolf eating its dinner. I wanted to take a hike down yonder to the North Cafeteria. I thought it would be more pleasant because of its spacious aisles, and long tables that seemed as endless as Newburgh Road. When I finished, I excused myself and walked into the hall.

The hallways reminded me of a circus. A circus where clowns lied, cheated, and entertained every other clown in the hall. They searched for a reason of existence, and saw it in the eyes of their classmates. I was not popular, because I refused to sell myself to humanity because I sought for truth and knowledge which made other clowns aware of their indecency, so I was often rejected.

When I reached the North Cafeteria, I noticed whole columns of vacant seats and more space than the congested traffic in the South Cafeteria. This cafeteria was more orderly than and not as loud as the South Cafeteria. I said quietly, "Under no circumstances will I eat in the South Cafeteria until should I ever submit to their bromide". I saw many people that I knew from eighth grade there, and they acted differently when I talked to them alone. When I stood there, some saw me in the hallway, and looked at me like they knew I wanted to speak to them, but they made no invitation or move to see me. I knew that they were controlled by the power of their friends. I laughed out loud. It amused me that I didn't need a crowd to guess at my own happiness, because I knew that I made and lived for my own happiness, in my own, individual, and completely independent way.